I didn’t even know what "vegan" was before I moved to Portland. Oregon, the land of retired hippies and Birkenstock wearing tree huggers. Needless to say, a large proportion of the people I met there were vegetarian or vegan (no animal or animal products). Which, as you can imagine, made for some interesting dinners out. Because I am a carnivore. I LOVE meat. I love everything about meat. And I love animal products, particularly cheese. In fact, in my mind, heaven is full of meat....with cheese on it!! So I knew this whole idea of going vegan for 24 hours was going to be tough. I had no idea how tough!
So lying in bed, stomach growling, I started to review my menu options for the day. Ok breakfast...I usually have eggs and bacon, that is clearly not an option. Ok, bagel with cream cheese...nope...pancakes, made with eggs. DAMN! After racking my brain I settled for toast with jelly (no butter!!!) and an all fruit smoothie from Jamba Juice. By this point it was 10:30 and it hit me...this was going to be a LONG day!
Two bites into my wholly unsatisfying toast and I was already thinking about lunch. I didn’t even need to go to my pantry to know that there was probably nothing in there that would fit within my diet parameters for the day. I knew I was going to have to go to the store...But I needed a plan. I sat there, still chewing my toast (trying with all my might to make it taste like bacon), trying to brainstorm food that I actually like that is not from an animal. Like a beacon of light I came up with the answer...Spaghetti Os!! Yes, I know, they're for kids...whatever. I still eat them (and quite enjoy them as a matter of fact). I was convinced this would get me through the day. Jumping into some sweats and loading the baby into the car seat, I drove to Target, smug smile on my face. This vegan thing may not be so bad after all. I could do this.
In the grocery section of Target, I hunted for Spaghetti Os like a hungry lioness. Of course they were on the LAST aisle I looked down. I spotted them and, triumphantly, reached for the can. SCREEEECHHH! My hand stopped in mid air. Right there on the can was my nightmare "pasta in tomato and CHEESE SAUCE." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I grabbed the can and turned it over to read the ingredients just to be sure. My heart fell. Shit...NOW what was I supposed to eat! Time to go home and regroup.
As I drive home, smoothie in hand and stomach still growling, I suddenly remember my one and only trip down vegetarian lane. A few years ago I unwittingly wandered into a vegetarian restaurant in Santa Cruz for lunch. I sat, bewildered as to why I couldn't find a hamburger-or any burger for that matter-on the menu. After about ten minutes, I finally figured out that I was in the land of tofu and sprouts. So I did what any other died in the wool carnivore would do....I got the hell out of there!! Back to today, I was bewildered. What the HELL was I going to eat for the rest of the day? If this were pre-baby, I might have just spent the day drinking....that’s vegan right?? And once you are a little toasted you forget about food. But that wouldn’t be responsible (although I would kill for a glass of wine to go with my steak right now!).
Back at the apartment, I scour the pantry for something-anything-that I can eat. Mac and cheese, out of the question. Rice...ok, but with what. Evaluating my canned goods, I decide on some green beans and cream of mushroom soup to go over my rice (yeah, you know where this is going). So I cook my rice and am warming up the soup while talking to my friend Suzette on the phone. I was telling her about my 35 day project and being vegan for the day. When I told her what I was eating she started to laugh. "You know you can't eat the cream of mushroom soup right?? Cream??" Dammit!! I fish the can out of the trash and read the ingredients....sure enough, milk products. So lunch today consisted of green beans....and green beans. This whole vegan thing was proving harder than I thought.
By dinner time I am about ready to gnaw my arm off (but even that would be cheating since I am pretty sure human flesh counts as "meat"). After the Spaghetti Os debacle I realized that I could make pasta and marinara sauce and that would count. That was my ace in the hole....my "big" dinner. Now I love pasta as much as the next person, but I have to say, this was the worst spaghetti dinner ever. I sat in front of the TV, chewing on the veggies in the sauce wishing they were meatballs and counting the hours until midnight. This whole experiment was designed to make me look at things a little differently. I don’t know that I understand vegans or vegetarians any more than I did before. One thing I know for sure...as soon as the baby wakes up I'm going to get a double cheeseburger!!
I have friends who became vegan after reading the book "Skinny Bitch" which tries to disgust you with the way animals are treated when raised for food. I read the book, was grossed out, but honestly, I don't think about my meat when I eat it, I savor it for what it is.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for giving this a try.