Why can't my birthday be in August?? - 29 days to 35 - Skinny dipping!

It would seem to me that skinny dipping is supposed to be a pleasurable experience. When people tell stories about it, they are usually funny, sometimes sexy, and almost always involve warm water. This is NOT one of those stories.

I should start by saying that I cant swim. Yep, you read that right. (Which begs the question, why isn't learning to swim on my list? I'm Black, we are not a buoyant people! If we could swim we wouldn't be here...we'd have just jumped off the boat and swam back home!) So the idea of "skinny dipping" for me really just means getting naked and jumping into and frolicking around in water...as long as it doesn't go past my shoulders! Even with my lack of swimming skills, this is always something that I wanted to do. Not sure why, maybe just for the story...or to give me one more thing to drink to when playing "I never...." At any rate, when coming up with this list, I thought skinny dipping would be a great one to include. Had I thought through the planning involved, or the fact that I would be doing this in the dead of winter I may have reconsidered! (Yes, I know this is a California winter, but cold is cold!!)

As I started planning this adventure I figured it would be pretty easy. I live in an apartment complex that has a pool. I live very close to said pool. I figured I would just sneak into the pool in the middle of the night, disrobe, jump in, frolic, and mission accomplished, right?? Not exactly! I forgot to factor in a 1) newborn baby, 2) a locked pool, and 3) the fact that it would be 42 degrees out. (See, I told you this wouldn't be one of those fun/sexy skinny dipping stories.)

So the plan was set. In order to minimize the chances of being seen we would sneak into the pool around 2am. I set me alarm for 1:00am and drifted off into dreamland, still happily anticipating my dip. Alarm goes off. Problem number one: getting myself out of bed. As I lay there, all warm and cozy under my down comforter, it hit me....it COLD outside. My eyes popped open, and for the first time the ridiculousness of skinny dipping in JANUARY hit me. I realized at that moment that I would rather drive a pencil into my eye than get out of bed and jump into what was sure to be a frigid pool. But that's what this is all about right? Testing my limits, pushing the boundaries...yada yada yada. I knew if I didn't drag my ass out of the bed right then, this wasn't going to happen. "Darin," I whispered. "Get up.....HEY..GET UP! Its time to do the thing." He rolled over and said "Seriously? You're really gonna do this?"

So I am out of bed and the next dilemma....what exactly does one wear skinny dipping?? The obvious answer was not possible, given that I would need to get from my apartment building and back (and I didn't want the whole world, or anybody who might see me, getting a glimpse of all my naked glory). I decided to go with something easily removable (shorts and a t-shirt) with nothing underneath. This detail is important given what Darin wore. Shorts and a t-shirt...with a fleece jacket! Yes, the irony of him adding layers before going out to take a picture of me skinny dipping was not lost.

Dressed and ready, towel and camera in hand, Darin asks "What about the baby?" Uh oh. Again, poor planning on my part. The baby was starting to wake up a little and taking him with us wasn't an option (can't really run back home naked AND holding a baby now can I?). I decided to put him in his swing. We strapped him in, cranked it up, and headed for the door. The blast of cold air that hit my legs was, shall we say, shocking. I turned to Darin with a look of horror. He laughed. HARD. And in between giggles he kept saying "I can't believe you are really gonna do this."

Once inside the gated and locked pool area (courtesy of a handle pull McGuyver-ed out of Darin's flip-flop) the sheer stupidity of this really sinks in. I am standing there, clothed and shivering, about to get naked and jump into an unheated pool. Not one of my brightest ideas. The longer I stand there, the less I want to do this....and the higher the likelihood of someone seeing me. I realize its Go Time. I inch over to the pool to test the water, Darin, giggling like a schoolgirl behind me. I dip my hand in. HOLY SHIT ITS COLD!!! By this point Darin is about in tears laughing at me. I soooooooo don't want to do this. I quickly lose the t-shirt and shorts and jump in. The water hits me like a bunch of icicles. Have you ever gotten up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and your ass hits that cold toilet water because SOMEONE forgot to put the seat down. Yeah, it was kind of like that. Except a hundred times colder. And all over my body. "Take a picture!" I whisper-yell, making my way back to the edge of the pool. I HAD too get out of that water! I wrap the towel around me and we both haul ass back to the apartment laughing the whole way. Back inside Darin says "You know since you didn't swim that it doesn't really count, right?" I've got toes like ice cubes, nipples that could cut glass, and a mild case of PTSD from the shock of my "polar dip"...oh yeah, it counts!