The taste of the sea - 26 days to 35 - Eating raw oysters

I love food. All kinds. There are few things that give me as much pleasure as a good meal shared with good friends. Seafood ranks high on my list of favorites. Crab, shrimp, lobster, just about anything with fins...I love it all! Except oysters. And I shouldn't say that I don’t like them because, to be fair, I have never actually even attempted to partake in this "delicacy." Until today. My problem with oysters has nothing to do with them being raw. I love sushi. I eat my steak almost rare. Raw doesn't bother me. It’s the slimy. It’s the thought of eating the ooey, gooey, squishiness that makes me want to staple my lips shut. My aversion, no outright disgust, made this a perfect choice for one of my 35 things.



Part of the challenge of doing this activity (before I even got to the eating) was finding a place that sells oysters in Santa Maria. (Everyone has heard of Santa Barbara? Well, drive about an hour and 15 minutes north on Hwy 101 and you run into a small, not so cool town among the strawberry fields. Yes, THIS is where I am stuck eating raw fish!). Scouring the phone book, Darin finally finds a new seafood joint in town, the Crab Cove. We are driving up Broadway, trying to locate address, when Darin yells "There it is!" I burst out laughing. The new, cool seafood joint in town was a Denny's in its former life (a former life that ended just a couple of months ago!!). I can’t help but laugh at the thought of shooting an oyster in the same booth where I ate my last Grand Slam. Needless to say, I am not feeling too confident about the quality of the food.

As we peruse the menu, I notice, to my dismay, that you can’t order just one oyster. No, the management at the Crab Cove expects me to gulp down at least six of those gooey goodies. I DONT THINK SO! So, after a little coaxing, I convince the waitress to bring me just one. As she approaches the table, oyster in hand, I can already feel my stomach beginning to lurch. My friend Suzette's advice runs through my head. "Don't chew it, just swallow. Gulp it like a shot." But what if (like my one and only shot of Jaeger) I gulp it down and it comes right back up. And after looking at it up close and personal, I was seriously afraid that this was a distinct possibility.

So there it is. The lone oyster, slightly chilled and ready for my culinary enjoyment. I look down, waiting for the nausea to pass. I can’t do it. I CAN'T do it! But it I have to. I pick up the lemon and squeeze it on top of the oyster. Ok, now it just looks even more slimy. I feel beads of sweat prickling on my forehead. Eating should NOT be this hard!! I dab some cocktail sauce on it. And then I dab some more. Then some more. I slide it around in its half shell, stalling. Darin is staring at me anxiously across the table, trying to hold back his laughter and I see our waitress peeking over the lobster tank smirking at me. Yeah really funny....keep it up and you won’t be smiling when you see your tip!! Ok, this is it. Hand shaking, I pick up the oyster and bring it slowly up to my face. Is it possible to hold your breath and swallow at the same time, I wonder. I know without a doubt that if I watch the squishy mess approach my face there is no way I will be able to pry my lips apart to eat it. I clench my fist, squeez my eyes closed, and toss it down my throat. SWALLOW!! SWALLOW!! FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST SWALLOW!!!

 
I feel the oyster squish between my tongue and the roof of my mouth on the way down. Ewwww.....It tastes like the inside of a sea shell smells. Cold, salty, and just a bit too fishy. And I swear I can still feel it squirming down my throat. A few seconds pass while I struggle to keep it down and I open my eyes. Reaching for my wine, I am filled with triumph! I did it! The still smirking waitress comes back to the table. "How was it?" she asks, WAY too perky. As I search my mind for an appropriate answer, I imagine puking it back up and having it land on her shoe looking exactly like it did when she brought it to the table....'How was it?' You tell me....